i'll heal you if you're broken .
two days later .
We swam . Like everyday. E-v-e-r-y-d-a-y. And we have had great dinners etc .
I woke up at 7am, because in our hotel room, there was so.. I don't know .. Hard to breathe . Harry was still sleeping. I got up from the bed and I went to the balcony . Aah, fresh air . I looked to the sky . The clouds looked really dark. Thunder . Fuck . But then i thought that, thunder, in Hawaii ? It doesn't make any sense. Well okay, I don't really know, but ... I thought that there's always sunny in Hawaii . And tadaa, at the same moment, I saw a couple water drops fell down to our balcony . I went back to the bedroom. I went to sit next to Harry.
Me: Harryyyy...
Nothing.
Me: Harry .
Harry: Huh...?
Me: Can you wake up?
Harry: Whyy?
Me: I'm scared ..
Harry: Hm ..
Me: It's raining outside ... And I'm pretty sure that it's gonna thunder also ..
Harry didn't say a word . I think he was really tired. And then I started to hear thundering, just my luck . Yeah .
Me: Harry , please .
I was really scared . I'm afraid of thunder . Like, whenever I even see any thunderclouds I could hide myself somewhere .
Then Harry yawned, opened his eyes and looked at me .
Harry: What ?
Me: It's thundering .
Harry: Okay ?
Me: I'm scared .
Harry: Owh.. Come here.
Harry lifted his blanket. I went to lay right next to him. He wrapped his arms around me, he was warm. I was safe.
Me: But I'm still scared ..
Harry: Just close your eyes and think ... Think something what makes you smile. I'm really tired, so lets get some more sleep.
Me: But ...
Harry: No buts . I'm right next to you, you don't have to be scared of anything when I'm with you .
Me: Okay ..
Then I closed my eyes . I think Harry fell asleep like in one second .
~~~~
So I woke up again, at 11am, or something . I opened my eyes. Harry was already awake, he was in shower. It was still raining outside , but it wasn't thundering anymore . Tsudum, and suddenly, Harry ran to the bedroom and jumped on me . Literally. Jumped.
Me: EW HARRY YOU'RE WET AND GET YOUR CLOTHES ON !
Harry: Haaaa haaaaa !
Me: Harry pleasee ew
Harry kissed me quickly and then he jumped off from the bed, and went next to the wardrobe .
Me: Ew now our bed is wet and and and I'm wet too . Harry you're evil .
Harry: Hah, are you wet from the outside or ...
Me: Who knows .
Harry put his boxers on .
Harry: You don't know ? I can help you to find it out .
He winked to me .
Me: Oh I know .
Then he came to sit next to me.
Harry: I think we're going to stay inside today .
Then Harry came on top of me . He kissed me for a long .
Boom. And because I'm so fucking lucky.. Something happened in my stomach, again. Yeah buddie . I dropped myself to the floor.
Harry: Huh ? What's going on ?
Me: Oh god.....
It was horrible . Hmh . I tried to get up back to the bed, but I couldn't, the pain just got worse . Harry jumped off the bed and came to sit next to me.
Harry: Are you okay?
Me: Do I look like I am okay?
Harry: Hmh.
Harry wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to his lap.
Me: Holy shit ...
Harry: This is getting serious ... I mean this happens like every week . Okay not every week but really often .
Me: This is horrible ...
Harry: Hm .
Then I just laid there . On Harry's lap. That pain didn't go anywhere . It just got worse worse and worse .
Me: I think I'm going to lay here like forever ... This pain is not going anywhere ..
Harry: No problem, I can sit here ..
He kissed my forehead and started to stroke my hair . That pain . My words can't describe it .
Harry: Can you stand up ?
Me: No I can't ..
Harry: Lets try .
Harry got up and pulled me up too .
Harry: It wasn't that bad .
Me: Eh yeah but ...
Then that pain just . Exploded . Okay that's not a really good word for that, but I just couldn't hide it.
Me: aaaaaaaah fuck fuck fuck aahfnjtgenif holy mother of god .
I almost fell down back to the floor but Harry caught me.
Harry: Woa woa woa woa, this is going crazy .
Me: Harry do something ..
Harry: Like what ? If I say '' I'll call an ambulance '', you'll just be like NO .
Me: ...
Harry hugged me .
Harry: Now, just breathe . Slowly .
So I breathed . Slowly . Harry hugged for 5 minutes, I think.
Harry: So..? Are you okay now ?
Me: Yea..
Harry: Your stomach doesn't hurt anymore ?
Me: I'm okay .
Harry looked me straight to eyes.
Harry: I hope that this isn't anything dangerous .. I don't wanna lose you .
Hmh. And at the same moment. I remembered. Harry doesn't know. About my anorexia. Maybe I should tell to him. And destroy our honeymoon AND our marriage. Okay.. It wont ruin our marriage but.. If I know Harry at all, he's gonna get mad or then he'll hug me and say that it's gonna be alright. But the thing is, it's not going to be alright. Dude, I'm dying. Seriously. I don't think that there's so many anorexic, that are still alive .. I mean that they had survived from this shit. I have to tell to Harry, before it's too late. But I don't find any words. What I should say? ''Hi Harry, I just wanted to say that I have anorexia, and I'm dying'', something like that? Erm, no? But... I just can't... No. I have to. '' I don't wanna lose you ''. I don't want to hear that anymore. But if I tell to Harry, he'll take me to the hospital and then he'll be like '' I don't wanna lose you '' and then probably I'll die. Okay that's not my plan. But because I'm so lucky, that's going to happen. Or not.
Me: Hmh.
Harry got a text message . He took his phone out of his pocket.
Me: Who is it ?
Harry: Louis ...
Me: Hm ?
Harry: Char is sick ..
Me: What ?
Harry: She has just cold, nothing serious.
Me: Oh god, we have to go back in the UK .
Harry: Ehmm.. We can't ?
Me: Why ?
Harry: There's no flights to the UK today ?
Me: But Harryyy, she's our daughter ...
Harry: Yes, I know. But I'm not going to swim..
Me: What about tomorrow ? Is there flights to the UK tomorrow ?
Harry: I think yes...
Me: Okay, well I haven't even unpacked my suitcase so we can leave early .
Harry: Eh okay ..
Me: What ?
Harry: Nothing .. I just wanted to spend a couple weeks with you .. Just me and you . But I think that's not never going to be possible ..
Woa. Those words .. They really hurt.. I wanted to be with Harry too. But... Okay.
He looked at me for a while. Then he went to pack his suitcase. I went to sit to the bed. Damn. It was Wednesday. Maybe we could be here just for a couple days. Char is not going to die or something like that. But I'm her mother, so I have to go check that she's alright. Maybe we could leave like on Sunday? Hm .
I went to hug Harry.
Harry: What ?
Lol he didn't even hug me back .
Me: Harry don't pack your clothes.
Harry: Why ? You just told me that we're going to go back to the UK tomorrow.
Me: No.
Harry: Huh ?
Me: She'll be okay. Lets leave on Sunday?
Harry: Really?
Me: Yea .
Harry looked at me.
Harry: Hm.
Me: Are you mad?
Harry: Noo I'm not..
Me: Then why do you look me like that ?
Harry: Like what ?
Me: Like that.
Harry: Okay .. But what are we going to do today?
Me: Lets watch a movie heh
Harry: Yea sureeee.
two hours later
Sooo we were watching a movie . We were laying on the sofa . Harry's arms were around me. It was raining outside. Wohoo. So that movie ..... Asdfg. It was a movie about a girl, who had a cancer, she died. And the worst thing was, that his boyfriend didn't know anything about it. And when I saw that she died, I just thought. I have to tell to Harry. I can't hide this anymore.
Me: Harry ..
Harry: Whaaat?
Me: I have to tell you something ..
Harry: Well tell me then .
ASFfdgh . Should I just say, Harry I'm dying. But however. I knew how Harry reacted. I knew it .
Me: I'm ... I'm dying.
Harry: Haha, you know that's not so good joke .
Me: No .. It's not a joke..
Harry: Hah, why would you die?
Me: ...I have anorexia .
Harry stopped breathing. I thought that he'll be like NOWAY LOL but no. He believed me.
Harry: Wait... What? If this is a joke, I'm going to kill you.
I got up from the sofa. I looked at Harry.
Me: Look at me. Harry I'm not normal.
Harry looked mad. Really mad.
Harry: You're dying..? Why?
Me: Think. How many anorexic you know, who survived? I mean, my anorexia isn't so bad yet.. But this is going harder and harder everyday ...
Harry got up. He came straight in front of me.
Harry: How long have you known about this ?
Me: Like ... One and a half month..
Harry: ONE AND A HALF MONTH ? And why didn't told me?
Harry was shouting. He never shouts to me.
Me: Well this is you know really hard thing for me... I was afraid ...
Harry: Afraid of what?
Me: You ...
Harry: Me? Why?
Me: Don't shout..
Harry: I do what I want to. Who knows about this?
Me: Only Joey..
Harry: HA ? You trust in Joey, but you don't trust in me? Hey, we're married, right ? Do you remember?
Me: Yes but ...
Harry: And why? Where did this even came?
Me: Well.. After Char came.. I felt myself so fat and...
Harry: BUT YOU'RE NOT !
Me: Harry don't shout ! Do you even know how hard this is for me ? I mean ... I'm not so strong, that I could you know just get over this . And I don't look like I have anorexia, I can hide it, but I can't hide it forever ..
Harry: Oh, you don't know how hard this is for me ?! My wife is dying, and ...
Then he started to cry.
Harry: ... What about Char? What about.. Girl you have everything. You're popular, you have celebrity friends,  you have husband who loves you more than anything and. You have Char. You don't have any reasons to die.
Me: I know... But Harry there's nothing we can do...
Harry: No... You can't die now... I just... I love you. I need you.
Then he looked at me for a second, then he went to the bathroom. And after a couple seconds I heard that Harry was crying. He was _crying_. I have never heard that someone can cry so .. much. 

i want you to surrender .
 hawaii .
we arrived to hawaii at 9am, hawaii's time , so it was like 7pm in the UK .   harry had booked some kinda beach house for us o: it wasn't big , it was actually pretty small, but there was just enough room for us .
so how ever, when we got out from the airport, it was sunnyy (8 wooo i love sunshine !
harry: woh it's hot in here .
me: of course because you're here ?
harry: bwah shut up ..
me: there's nothing you can do with the truth .
harry: hmh . please tell me that we're going swimming today ? please please pleaseee
me: i don't know ..
harry: why ?
me: idk , i don't like swimming .
harry: whaoooatt ?
me: mh ..
harry: why ?
me: i don't have enough confidence for that ..
harry: what ? why ? you're weird babe .
me: lol i'm a whale,  don't you remember ?
harry: oh god . you're pathetic , you're far away from whale . how much do you even weigh ? like 60 kilograms ?
me: noup . 53 kilograms ......................
harry: what ? really ?
me: yea ..
harry: do you even eat ?
me: yes ?
harry: actually you're really small .
me: phwe no i'm not .
harry: but you know what, i don't think that you're fat or big or something. you're just ... perfect for me . really .
me: really ?
harry: yes .
then he hugged me . pwwwh his hugs are so warm .
harry: now come on lets go to our hotel .
me: wait ? are we going to walk ?
harry: yes, it's like 2 kilometers from here .
me: ........ 2 kilometers ? argh okay .
so we walked that 2 kilometers, dragging our luggage with us , YEA .
harry: so this is it .
it was you know .. yea it was like normal hotel . it was cool ... and expensive .. i think .
in da hotelroom .
me: wow . this is .. cool . awesome . everything .
harry opened the door for me . i saw this small living room, which was also kitchen .
me: wow .. this is amazing .
harry: hah, i hope you like it !
me: i'm sure i will .
i leaved my luggage to the hallway . that house was fucking amazing . the bedroom was huge, everything was huge and small at the same time ! harry carried our luggage to the bedroom . i went to sit to the bed .
harry: are you tired ?
me: yes ?
harry came to sit next to me .
harry: hmh . darling ?
me: whaaaat ?
harry: do you really weight 53 kg ?
me: yes ... or 54 i'm not sure .
harry: that's a bit worrying .
me: what ?
harry: that you're so thin and light ..
boom .  that was a bit .. harsh . now, let me tell you a secret . i have anorexia . harry doesn't know it . i'm the only one who knows about this . oh and yeah, joey knows . 
me: hmh .
harry: and don't say that you're not thin . someone could think that you're like anorexic ..
me: but i'm not ?
harry: yea yeaa, but someone _could_ think that ..
me: yea .
then he kissed me and jumped off the bed .
harry: lets go swimming !
me: dude, it's like 8pm in the UK . does jet lag say anything to you ?
harry: hah, that's not a problem !
me: for me, it is .
harry: red bull .
me: bed.
harry: no .
me: yes .
he watched me for a while .
harry: if you want to stay in bed ..
then he pushed me down and came on top of me .
me: harryy nooooo
harry: harry yees .
i pushed harry away . i got up from the bed .
harry: wait , what's wrong ?
hmh . after that when harry said that i look like an anorexic ... i don't know . it's hard to lie to someone who you really love . or not lie .. hide things .
me: yes . everything's fine .
i went to the bathroom. i took my phone out of my pocket . i have to call to joey .
joey: hi ?
me: thanks for god you answered . 
joey: is everything alright ?
me: no ..
joey: what's wrong? and why are you whispering ?
me: harry told me just a second ago that someone could think that i have anorexia, when i told him that i weight about 64 kg ....
joey: what !? you haven't told to him ?
me: no ..
joey: but why ?
me: if i tell to him .. he'll ... i don't know . take me to the hospital or something .
joey: well i agree with him . you should really get some help .
me: but i don't need any help ..
joey: but you should really have to look after yourself . i can't even think about that you would die because of anorexia .
me: eh i'm not going to die ... 
joey: if you're not going to get help, i'm afraid that yes, you're going to die ... i mean you're not going to die like today or tomorrow, but ... you know i don't want to talk about this ..
me: ....
joey: you really have to do something with yourself .
me: i know ..
joey: but hey don't screw your honeymoon up with this , okay ?
me: yeah ...
joey: have fun ! byee !
me: bye ..
i put the phone back to my pocket . i looked up to the mirror . shit .  i really looked ... too thin . really . I have to do something . But my head don't understand it . Inside of me... I feel like I'm the biggest person in this whole planet . argh . I went back to the bedroom. Harry was laying on the bed and doing something with his phone, probably text messaging to someone or hanging on twitter .
Me: So what are we doing today ?
Harry: Maybe we'll just chill, if you want we can go to the beach .
Me: hm ..
Harry: Pleaseeee, it's like 600000 degrees hot in here, I have to go swimming . And you're coming with me .
Me: Yeah, of course I will ..
Harry got up from the bed , threw his phone away and came to kiss me . He took my hands and looked me straight to eyes .
Harry: You have beautiful eyes .
Me: Oh well I love your curls .
Harry: And I love your ... okay maybe I'll just shut up , hahah ..
Me: You're just so so filthy ..
Harry: Yes, I know. But now take your bikinis and lets go !
Me: Yeah yeah .
I dug my bikinis from my suitcase . Then we went to the beach .
Harry put the towel to the sand , so we could lay there .
Me: Oh god .. It's hot in here .
Harry: I told you so babeee
We sat down . Harry wrapped his right hand around me .
Harry: I can't even imagine that we're here right now .. I mean .. Like a year ago .. I met you and from that moment my life changed .
Me: Owh ..
Harry kissed me to my cheek.
Harry: Are you okay ?
Me: Yes .. I just thought that was it so smart to leave Char alone like for three weeks ..
Harry: She's not alone, and if you want, we can be here for two ore one week only .
Me: Mh ..
Harry got up .
Harry: Come on, lets go .
He stretched his hand . I hesitated for a while . But then I took Harry's hand, and he pulled me up . We walked along the beach hand in hand .
Harry: The water looks cold .
Me: But it's not .
Harry: You wanna try ?
Me: No ? Haha
Then just like that, Harry took me to his lap .
Harry: Lets goo !
He started to run to the sea.
Me: NO !
I tried to stumble out of Harry's hold, but he was too strong .
Me: Harry ahahasdh I don't want to !
The water already stretched to Harry's hip . And to my ass . Ha . Ha . Ha .
Harry: This is not so cold .
Me: Hm.
Harry: I could throw you away, heh .
Me: If you're going to do that, you're sooo dead .
Harry: Hhah.
He kissed me for a while .
Me: How long are you going to keep me on your lap ?
Harry: Hmmm... Maybe a couple days ?
Me: Lol I'm too heavy .
Harry looked me seriously .
Harry: Girl, you weight 53 kg.
Me: Yea ?
Harry: Your're underweight .
Me: Eh ?
Harry: Heh .
Then he threw me to the sea . Luckily it wasn't so deep . I got up .
Me: Why did you do that ?! Harry wasdf, WHY ?
Harry laughed .
Harry: You're so funny .
I went to kiss Harry.

one more fucking love song and i'll be sick .
i woke up at 10am . joey was still asleep . i jumped off the bed . what in the earth i was going to do . getting married . fuuu . i was scared . i walked back and forth . i had butterflies in my stomach . i went to wake up joey .
me: joeyy, wake upp
joey: huh ..........
me: please wake up . i'm scared .
joey: scared of what .... ?
he opened his eyes and yawned .
me: sorry that i woke you up but .. what if i can't do this ?
joey: what ? of course you can do this . i believe that you're nervous at the moment, but calm down . it's gonna be alright . by the way, what time is it ?
me: erm, it's 10 i think ..
joey: OH MY GOD 10 ? we have to be in the church like at 10:20 .
me: yes i know, we have to go now !
joey jumped off the bed . i ran to put my clothes on, then after 10minutes, we were in the car heading our way to the Church Of England. when we got to the church, there was perfect chaos . joey pulled me to the dressing room .
joey: so , do you want some food ?
me: YES !
joey: okaayyy, i'll go, be right back .
me: heey, joey, where's the make up artist ?
joey: she'll be right here, wait .
i waited five minutes, and then joey came with food and the make up artist . i ate some food, and after then my make up artist made me up and did my hair . it was 10:40 . danielle and emma came to the dressing room . with my dress .
emma: are you okay ?
me: yeah, i'm just fucking nervous ...
danielle: it's gonna be alright .
me: ugh .. hope so .
emma: come on, lets put the dress on .
i put the dress on me, and i went in front of the mirror . danielle started to put the zip up . asdfhjy .
danielle: this doesn't go all away to up ..
me: WHAT ?
danielle: joey, you're a man, try it .
joey came behind me . even he couldn't get the zip closed .
joey: girl .. we're in trouble .
me: no . no . no . not today .
joey: breathe in .
i breathe in . the zip went up .
joey: whop, can you breathe ?
me: maybe .
joey: no, seriously, can-you-breathe ?
me: yes yes yes yes .
joey: great .
me: so . can someone go to ask is everything ready ?
emma: yea i'll go . 
she came back in about two minutes .
emma: everything's alright . 
me: oh god .
joey: lets goo !
emma and danielle went before us . joey and i waited just for two minutes more .
joey: okay lets go .
joey gave me my bouquet .
me: joey .
joey: yea ?
me: i'm scared .
joey: what are you scaring darling ?
me: if harry says no .. 
joey: no . he wouldn't do that . he loves you . 
me: hm . 
joey: so are you ready ?
me: yes .. lets go .
joey took my hand . and then . i was walking along the floor . towards the altar . i saw harry . he was smiling . he was happy . louis,zayn,niall and liam were right behind him . and then joey gave my hand to harry . 
joey: good luck . he whispered . 
i smiled to joey .
harry: you look stunning ..
i couldn't say a word . 
after those tormenting minutes, when the pope were talking something shit, it was time to put the rings to each others fingers . and the pope asked the final question .
the pope: harry styles , do you want to take this, roosi lundqvist to your wife, and respect her in the bad and the good times ?
harry: i do .
asdfhgbjklöasdfjkldfjklrfsmdtyughjiawsedgtyhujikol after harry said i do , i felt like i could go and run and scream . i was sooo happy:
the pope: roosi lundqvist, do you want to take this, harry styles to your husband, and respect him in the bad and the good times ?
me: i do .
the pope: okayy. you may kiss the bride .
then harry wrapped his arms around me and kissed me, as always, for long , and deep . i heard that the whole church crowd was cheering and clapping .
harry: woo, lets goo .
so we walked along the aisle . i looked at the crowd .
me: harry . do i see the wanted boys over there ?
harry: ........... maybe .
me: if you have invited them here, i think i'm going to die .
harry: you're gonna die because of the wanted boys ? hm . after this night you're not gonna be alive .
me: ....... great .
at the after parties .
dunz dunz . the music was partying woohooo . we ate some cake etc . i just waited harry's big surprise .
me: harryyyy
harry: what ?
me: where's your big surprise ?
harry: just wait .. but now let me introduce you to a couple dude .
me: dudes yea .
harry took my hand and pulled me to the crowd .
harry: so here's the.....
me: OMASDFG THE WANTED harry what in the earth are you trying to kill me onmgmgfd
nathan: ahaaha, calm down girl !
me: AAAAAA okay .
harry took my hand and pulled me away from the wanted .
me: harryy , i want to chat whit them !
harry: you can chat whit them later .
then asdf i literally died . omfg . omfg . omfg .
harry: and i think you know who he is .
me: holy shit . justin . bieber . omg . harry . asdfgh.
justin: oh hi !
me: hello .
justin: is she okay ? she looks a little bit ... i don't know .
harry: he's just so surprised .
me: surprised ? i'm actually dying, the wanted, justin bieber, and what ? chris brown ?
harry: yeah .
me: huh ?
justin: yea chris is over there .
justin pointed somewhere. and asdf i saw chris brown.
me: whoa .
harry: are you alright ?
me: erm . i think so .
harry: come on, lets go sit .
me: so, you're big surprise is coming ?
harry: yea .
and after a couple seconds, justin were on the stage .
justin: okayy people, go on and sit . and this is owned to our brand-new couple .
then the music started .



and after justin finished his song, everybody clapped.
justin: so now, please welcome my good friend, chris brown !
me: harry, is this real ?
harry: just wait . you're gonna be so dead .
harry laughed .
me: so you're really trying to kill me, what ?
harry: haha nooo .
chris: so this is to our lovely bride , from harry .



me: owh harry ..
harry: hmh .
justin came off from the stage, and it was time to hear some chris brown !


chris: thank you ! and now, i'm glad to say . that next . thee wanted ! i know you want them .
me: omg omg omg omg .
harry: relax hun .
harry hugged me .


me: harry. i think i died .
harry: noooo, you can't die now .
me: but i did omg .
harry: haha .


me: so harrryyy, was this the last song today ?
harry: erm .. i'm afraid that yeah .
me: wooo, okay, i need something to drink . be right back .
harry: okaaaaay !
i went to look something to drink, when i saw minette there .
me: FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA hey girl,,, ! what are you doing here ?
minette: aha, hii ! hm .......
me: huh ?
minette: i'm with zayn ........... ?
me: omg really ?
minette: yeah ..
me: tell me everything .
minette: well .... i don't know . he just asked if i wanted to come here with him .
me: well great that you're here .
minette: yep ! sooo, where are you going to your honeymoon ?
me: honestly, i have no idea. harry doesn't tell to me . he just said that i had to pack some light clothes . so i think that we're going somewhere where's warm .
minette: yea that's great .
then harry came behind me and hugged me .
me: heee harry
harry: should we go ?
me: where ?
harry: well our hotel is waiting for us , and so are our luggage , and our flight to hawaii is leaving at 11:30am tomorrow .
me: to .. where ?
harry: hawaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiii
me: harry . you're spoiling me too much .
harry: hhah no i'm not .
me: how long are we going to stay theree ?
harry: one month .
me: ONE MONTH ? wtf , what about char ?
harry: the boys gonna take care of her, and we have danielle, eleanor and emma .
me: aah . greaaaaaaat .
harry: soo ... ?
me: what ?
harry: shall we go ?
me: what ever you want .
harry took my hand and pulled me outside of that mansion . woo that mustang were waiting for us . we drove to the hotel . harry carried me all way to our room . he threw me to our bed .
harry: wait a sec .
me: yea sure .
harry went to the bathroom . i was just sitting on the bed . and after two seconds he was back .
harry: oooooookay then .
he pushed me down , and came to lay on top of me .
harry: babe . you don't have any idea how happy i'm right now .
me: well ..
i even couldn't say a word because harry kissed me .
AND TADAAA he did his magic . you know what i mean . you-know. i know you know . 
at 2am .
we were sleeping . i woke up at 2am, because i had a terrible stomach ache . i got up to sit on the bed . sdfasdf i felt horrible. harry woke up too . he put his arm to my back .
harry: ..... are you alright ?
i looked at harry . he looked reeeeeeally tired .
me: yea i'm fine .
harry: really  ?
me: just a terrible stomach ache . nothing else . just sleep .
harry: are you sick ?
me: i don't know . this feels ....... different . i think ... yea i'm not sick .
harry: are you sure ?
me: yes . 
then harry closed his eyes and he was asleep again .
in the morning.
harry woke me up at 9am .
harry: heeey, good morning gorgeous , wake upp .
me: aergh i'm tireeeed .
harry: we have to go to the airport .
me: oh .. right .
harry: so get ready !
me: is there going to be thousands of fans in the airport, again ?
harry: i don't think so, nobody actually knows where are we going and when .
me: ah greaaaaaaaaaat .
harry looked me for a while .
me: what ?
harry: are you okay ?
me: yes .. ?
harry: i meant last night . you had a stomach ache .
me: yeaa .. it's normal . i have those like a couple times in a month .
harry: what ? a couple times in a month ? what the hell .
me: don't worry i'm alright .
harry: hmh . but now we must hurry ! it's gonna take forever when you're getting ready .
me: owh forever, thank you .

if happy ever after did exist, i would be still holding you like this .
i woke up at 10am, when joey came to scream to my ear .
joey: WOKE UPPPPPP
me: HOLY MOTHER OF GOD WHAT THE HELL JOEY BURN IN HELL
joey: ahah, get up .
me: i want to sleeeeeeeep .
joey: it's not possible .
me: go awaaayy
he took my hand and pulled me up .
joey: get ready, you have only 15 minutes .
me: what ? 15 minutes ? fuck that shit .
joey: GO !
me: what ?
joey: 14minutes and 58seconds .
me: god damn it .
so i put my clothes on and did my make up . it took only 13 minutes yeah buddie .
me: i'm readyyy, now can i eat ? i'm hungryyyy
joey: nop . lets go .
me: but what about char ?
joey: don't worry about her, she's with danielle .
me: erm okay ..
joey took my hand and pulled me out of our apartment .
me: where are we going ?
joey: you'll see !
me: hm .
woo i survived from those staircases, yesyes we live in an apartment house . when we finally got to the yard ..
me: joey, what in the earth is that .... ?
there were some kind of ......... ferrari . waiting . for . me . omfg .
joey: that's our vehicle for today . now cmoon lets go .
he took my hand and pulled me next to the car . then he opened a door for me and i went to inside of that car . it smelled ... like a new car . joey sat to the driver place , and restarted the car . whooooooooom . after a couple minutes, we were in front of a cinema . eleanor and emma were waiting for us . i got up from the car, and rushed to hug eleanor and emma .
emma: soo girl, how does it feel, your last day before your whole life is horrible !
me: what ..
emma: ahah just kidding !
we went to the cinema . we watch some kind of horror movie, i don't remember the name of it . after that we went to eat to Nandos . NANDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS. again . nandoooooos . aaaand, after that they took me to London sightseeing tour . like i don't know London , ahah . aaaaaaaaaaaand after that clock was like 7pm, soo, it was time to partyyy ! eleanor already went back to home, she had a headache . we went to one bar, or maybe it was a night club... ehe . so they had already book a table for us .  we went to sit .
joey: so girl, how does it feel right now ?
me: honestly, i'm fucking scared .
emma: it doesn't feel that bad after the weddings .
me: but what if he says no ..?
joey: he's not gonna say no . i can be sure of it .
emma: yea, i think harry really is in love with you ..
me: hm ..
joey: but how ever, there's only a couple hours anymore ! lets partyyyyyyyyyy !
emma: yeah !
me: woooho , so what are we doing here ?
joey: wait .
joey gave some kind of sign to someone and then . suddenly . asdf . olly murs were behind me .
olly: hii roosi !
me: OEKRJNFDLMJASDJF OLLY MURS OMFGNTJ OMG OMG OMG
i fell down from my chair . olly pulled me up .
olly: are you alright ? ahhah
me: oh gosh . you . again . omg .
olly: c'moon, you've seen me before ! like twice i think ?
me: only once . but omg .
joey: babe if you get crazy about olly , i don't wanna know what's happening tomorrow ..
me: what do you mean ?
emma: oh you'll see ..
me: nnoo ,tell me .
joey: your becoming husband told us that we can't tell you, no matter what .
me: bummer .
olly: i can tell you that i'm coming to your weddings ..
me: .................................................................................... oh god . is there .. many celebrities coming to our weddings ?
joey: hmm... a couple ..
me: WHO ?!
joey: i told you, i can't tell you .
me: you just told me that there's gonna be a couple celebrities in my weddings, i think i'm not gonna sleep tonight .
emma: oh i'm sure you will .
olly: but hey, i'm going to go to the stage now, see you later !
me: bye !
joey: so,, we haven't told you yet . you're not going home tonight .
me: what ?
emma: you're going to a hotel with joey .
me: oh right .. so i can sleep longer ..
joey: yes . but i have only one wish . please don't panic tomorrow, okay ?
me: i'm not going to promise anything .
emma: well joey . in mine and niall's weddings, in the dressing room , i was you know .. i lost my mind . it was terrible . i was afraid that the dress didn't fit me but luckily it did !
me: if my dress doesn't fit me ... i think i'm going to die .
joey: girls, girls, girls ! now, we have to just enjoy this ! shut up and lets partyy !
then we just partied all night, olly were singing on the stage, and yeaa it was cool !
 and we got finally out of that place. we were at the hotel at 2am . asdfg the wedding day . i went to the shower, and after that i literally fell to my bed . joey were still watching some tv .
me: could you please turn the tv off ?
joey: i'm gonna watch this for a while, it's csi coming, i can't miss this episode !
me: asdfg okay .
joey: but princess, you should go sleeping . it's gonna be amazing day tomorrow !
me: but i think i can't sleep .
joey: whyy
me: i'm so nervous .
joey: hey . it's gonna be alright . believe me .
me: yea but .........
then i ran to the bathroom . i puked . joey ran there too .
joey: are you alright ?
me: i think i'm just too nervous ...
joey: aaah .. but now . go sleeping , seriously .
me: yea i'll go .
then i went to bed . i closed my eyes and i was already asleep . 

i know it's hard to remember .
so we went to find a wedding dress to me . i had a clear knowledge what i wanted . i tried only five dresses before i found the right one . so here it is; 

i don't know do you like it, but i loooooooove it ! only problem with that dress, was that it was really tight ! but at least it fits ! 
two days before the weddings .
i were lying on the sofa . it was like 11pm, char was already sleeping, and harry was doing something small for the weddings in this beautiful mansion where the afterparties are . i was feeling terrible, i think i was going to be sick . harry came home at about 11:30pm .
harry: hi , i'm home !
me: hi ..
he came to the living room .
harry: are you okay ?
me: yeah .. i think .
harry: is something wrong ?
me: my stomach is just .. i don't know , i think i'm going to be sick ..
harry: two days before our weddings ? no way, if there's any sympathy in this world, you're not gonna be sick .
me: i wish that too ..
he jumped to the sofa next to me .
harry: soo, did you find a wedding dress ?
me: yeah, it's amazing. you're gonna love it !
harry: are you sure it's easy to get off ?
me: harry !
harry: sorry ....
he put his arm around me . i set my head to his chest .
harry: i can't believe that this is our last night together, before we're married ..
me: yea it's unbelievable ..
harry: i think we should do something unforgettable tonight ..
me: like what ? if you mean something like sex, please, i think we have it too much .
harry: nooo noo no, lets save that for our wedding night ..
me: hmh . so, can you now tell me where are we going on our honeymoon ?
harry: like i told you, it's gonna be surprise ..
me: somewhere where's warm .. ?
harry: i betcha .
me: owh ...

harry: hm .
me: what ?
harry: nothing .. just thought about my bachelor parties ..
me: oh god .. i wish i could have something .. peaceful ..
harry: haha, you wish .. if i know joey at all, it's gonna be ..... well not so peaceful .
me: hmh yeah .. but promise that you're not gonna drink too much, i don't think it's not funny to have a hangover in your own weddings .
harry: well i try ..
me: okayy .
harry: maybe we should go sleeping .. ?
me: hm maybe .. it's gonna be a long day tomorrow ..
harry: yeah ..
then we went sleeping yeaah . 

hold on , you're gonna get trough this .
i ran to the balcony . char was sitting there .
me: char what are you doing here ? it's dangerous here ..
i took char to my lap . i went to the living room and put char to the sofa .
------------
harry left to the interview, so i was alone, with char . well char was sleeping and i was watching tv . then suddenly someone knocked on the door . i went to open it .
me: WOOO HOLY SHIT JOEEY
joey: yeah heeey !!1
me: what in the earth are you doing here ?!
joey: erm .. i don't know.  i came to see you, though ?
me: cool, come in .
he came in and i shut the door .
joey: woo where's the princess ?
me: here i am ?
joey : eh eh eh, i meant char .
me: yea yea i know, she's sleeping .
joey: aah okaaay.
we went to the living room, we sat on the sofa .
me: so what's the main reason you're here ..?
joey: girls .. girls .. girls .. and did i already say girls ?
me: what's wrong ?
joey: i don't have anybody ..
me: joeyyyyyyyyy, don't .. i've told you like thousands of times , that you have to just try !
joey: i've been trying ..
me: don't give up . like, three years ago, i was like omg i'm forever alone, and now ... yea .
joey: but i don't know where to start .
me: so tell me , do you have someone ..?
joey: yea..
me: so who's this lucky girl ?
joey: she's called tiffany ..
me: ooh, tell me more .
joey: well ... asdf i don't know what to tell . okay i think that there's something really between us .
me: and the problem is .. ?
joey: i'm afraid to tell her that i like her .
me: what ? noooo, just tell her ! you're so cute and handsome and everything, i'm sure that she likes you too !
joey: but i'm too shy ..
me: WHAT ? ahaa no you're not ! 
joey: hm . 
me: what are you doing today ?
joey: nothing .
me: could you look after char ? i think i could go to one direction's house, and i don't want to take char with me because it's hard to have good time with lads when char is always wanting something etc .
joey: well i'm horrible with children but .. okay .
in the evening at one direction's house .
we were chilling in the living room, drinking some cider etc. eleanor & danielle were there also .
me: niall, when emma is coming back ?
niall: you know .. i don't know . she said she'll come today, but i don't see her here ..
me: hm . that's weird .
niall: mh yea .
louis: so zayn .
zayn: so louis .
louis: what's going on with that girl .
zayn: what girl ?
louis: oh you know, you've been talking about her like 25/8 .
zayn flushed .
harry: ahaah ! busted .
danielle: oh don't tease him ! soo, is she nice zayn ?
zayn: erm .. she's .. stunning . amazing . everything .
me: so there's something between you and her ? haha
zayn: well . maybe, maybe not . i mean, she's a great girl , but i think she's not herself when she's with me . i mean she's so big fan ..
louis: but that's not problem at all ?
eleanor: i'm a huge fan too !
zayn: yea but whatever i say, she gets crazy . ahah
me: she's not use to this , give her some space and time . i was fangirling too , like those first weeks with harry, i think i was living a dream, but now i realize that this is my life .
zayn: hm ..
then suddenly someone opened the front door . niall ran to the hallway .
niall: EMMA !
emma: NIALL !
niall: YEAH !
then they hugged each others . niall took emma's luggage to their room. emma came to the living room with us. everybody said hi and yeaaaaaaaaaa
me: so what was going on there in finland?
emma: it was cold . omg it was freezing !
me: as always .
harry: why you don't visit you parents ?
harry looked at me .
me: ... i don't have any reason to do that ..
harry: what do you mean ?
me: they don't know that i'm with you , they don't even know that we have char ..
harry: whaaaaaaat ? why ?
me: well the main reason why i moved to london .. i couldn't live there anymore . they were always spoiling my sister . i was always the second one . my sister always got everything she wanted , i didn't get .. anything . well, i got something, like clothes and money etc, but my sister was always on the primacy . this sounds stupid, but i really hated it . i felt myself outsider indeed . that's why i don't go to see them .
harry: that's horrible ..
me: yea ..
harry: so , you haven't invited your parents to your weddings .. ?
me: no i haven't ..
harry: but who's gonna donate you ?
me: i don't know ..
louis: OH ME ME ME PLEASE CHOOSE ME !
harry: but you're already one of the best mans .
louis: yea yea i know !
harry: but seriously ..
me: harry i don't know . maybe joey, if he wants, because he's one of my best friends .
harry: well you should ask . and if i didn't already told you , you're going to find a wedding dress tomorrow with louis, eleanor and zayn .
me: wohp cool !

when i saw your face, i fell in love .
when we got back to home, harry was really quiet . liam and niall went back to one direction's house . i went to wash my teeth . when i went to our bedroom. harry was already in the bed . i went next to him .
me: harry .. what's wrong ?
harry: nothing. everything's fine .
me: ... then why did you wanted to leave so early ?
harry: i told you . i felt myself sick .
me: you don't look like your going to be sick ...
harry: hmh ..
me: there's something going on . really .
harry: no there's not !
it was the first time when harry actually yelled to me .
me: hey don't yell.. char is sleeping .
harry: sorry ..
me: harry ..
harry: yes ?
me: you're hiding something .. why can't you just tell me ..?
harry: i'm not hiding anything ..
me: yes you are ..
harry: no i'm not ! what's wrong with you ? you don't trust me anymore .
me: no, i trust you . but you're hiding something. you've never yelled to me . 
harry: i'm going to sleep on the sofa .
then he jumped off the bed and went to the living room. 
in the morning
i woke up at 9am, and harry was already awake . he was in the living room with char . i came out of the bedroom . harry ignored me .
me: good morning ........... ?
harry: hi .
me: you haven't done any breakfast ?
harry: no i haven't .
me: oh please . now . tell me what's wrong .
harry: ..........
he looked down .
harry: it's complicated ..
me: haa, so there's something wrong with you ...
harry: i'm a horrible man ..
me: no you're not ..
i went to sit next to harry . char climbed up to harry's lap.
me: tell me .
harry: i can't ..
me: what ? hey , we're getting married soon, and you can't tell me something what's on your mind . idk is it big or small thing .. but can you just tell me ..
harry: you're gonna hate me after i tell it to you ..
me: no i'm not gonna hate you ..
harry: really .. ?
me: yea ..
harry: okay ... well .. at those parties .. i saw this girl ... kate ..
me: and.. ?
harry: oh my god .. i can't ..
me: just tell me . please ..
harry: ugh .. i've slept with her .. three times ... that's why i wanted to leave those parties .
me: and we weren't even dating when you slept with her ..... ?
harry: .... actually .. when you were pregnant ..
then i just . i thought that wouldn't be so .. horrible . but it was . i think my heart stopped . i went totally numb .
me: .......... what ..
harry: please forgive me ..
me: how could you .. harry why ..
harry: i couldn't live without ...
me: you couldn't live without what ? sex ? please . you're sick ..
harry put char on the floor and then he looked at me .
harry: babe .. i'm so sorry ..
me: don't . i can't believe how could you do that .
he started to cry .
harry: please ...
me: no . bye .
harry: what ? no !
i was already almost opening the front door, when harry ran in front of me .
harry: please don't go .. what about char .. you don't have any place to go ..
me: i know you don't love me. that's why you did it .
harry: excuse me, what !? hey girl, i proposed you, we're getting married, and you're saying that i don't love you . this is something what i can call totally bullshit .
me: .......
then he took my hands . and watched me for a while . he kissed me for a long . i think it lasted like forever .
harry: and you say i don't love you, huh ?
i smiled . i knew that harry loved me .
me: don't you never ever again dare to do that .
harry: well. now when i can have you everyday , i'll never fall for something like that again .
me: hah, everyday ...........
harry: well at least four time in a week .
me: you're counting how many times we have sex ...............?
harry: why not ?
me: harry you're amazing .
harry: i know it .
he pulled me back to the living room . we sat on the sofa .
me: sooo what are we going to do today ........... ?
harry: we have one interview at 3pm and then ....... yeeah then we're going to have ......
he winked to me .
me: oh my gosh harry, everyday, really ?
harry: just enjoy the riiiide .
me: hahaahah
harry: why's our balcony door open ..... ?
me: wtf .. i don't know ..
harry: wait a minute ... where's char ...
DADAAAAAAAAAA THE PANIC .