Someday, this will be true .

i'll heal you if you're broken .
two days later .
We swam . Like everyday. E-v-e-r-y-d-a-y. And we have had great dinners etc .
I woke up at 7am, because in our hotel room, there was so.. I don't know .. Hard to breathe . Harry was still sleeping. I got up from the bed and I went to the balcony . Aah, fresh air . I looked to the sky . The clouds looked really dark. Thunder . Fuck . But then i thought that, thunder, in Hawaii ? It doesn't make any sense. Well okay, I don't really know, but ... I thought that there's always sunny in Hawaii . And tadaa, at the same moment, I saw a couple water drops fell down to our balcony . I went back to the bedroom. I went to sit next to Harry.
Me: Harryyyy...
Nothing.
Me: Harry .
Harry: Huh...?
Me: Can you wake up?
Harry: Whyy?
Me: I'm scared ..
Harry: Hm ..
Me: It's raining outside ... And I'm pretty sure that it's gonna thunder also ..
Harry didn't say a word . I think he was really tired. And then I started to hear thundering, just my luck . Yeah .
Me: Harry , please .
I was really scared . I'm afraid of thunder . Like, whenever I even see any thunderclouds I could hide myself somewhere .
Then Harry yawned, opened his eyes and looked at me .
Harry: What ?
Me: It's thundering .
Harry: Okay ?
Me: I'm scared .
Harry: Owh.. Come here.
Harry lifted his blanket. I went to lay right next to him. He wrapped his arms around me, he was warm. I was safe.
Me: But I'm still scared ..
Harry: Just close your eyes and think ... Think something what makes you smile. I'm really tired, so lets get some more sleep.
Me: But ...
Harry: No buts . I'm right next to you, you don't have to be scared of anything when I'm with you .
Me: Okay ..
Then I closed my eyes . I think Harry fell asleep like in one second .
~~~~
So I woke up again, at 11am, or something . I opened my eyes. Harry was already awake, he was in shower. It was still raining outside , but it wasn't thundering anymore . Tsudum, and suddenly, Harry ran to the bedroom and jumped on me . Literally. Jumped.
Me: EW HARRY YOU'RE WET AND GET YOUR CLOTHES ON !
Harry: Haaaa haaaaa !
Me: Harry pleasee ew
Harry kissed me quickly and then he jumped off from the bed, and went next to the wardrobe .
Me: Ew now our bed is wet and and and I'm wet too . Harry you're evil .
Harry: Hah, are you wet from the outside or ...
Me: Who knows .
Harry put his boxers on .
Harry: You don't know ? I can help you to find it out .
He winked to me .
Me: Oh I know .
Then he came to sit next to me.
Harry: I think we're going to stay inside today .
Then Harry came on top of me . He kissed me for a long .
Boom. And because I'm so fucking lucky.. Something happened in my stomach, again. Yeah buddie . I dropped myself to the floor.
Harry: Huh ? What's going on ?
Me: Oh god.....
It was horrible . Hmh . I tried to get up back to the bed, but I couldn't, the pain just got worse . Harry jumped off the bed and came to sit next to me.
Harry: Are you okay?
Me: Do I look like I am okay?
Harry: Hmh.
Harry wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to his lap.
Me: Holy shit ...
Harry: This is getting serious ... I mean this happens like every week . Okay not every week but really often .
Me: This is horrible ...
Harry: Hm .
Then I just laid there . On Harry's lap. That pain didn't go anywhere . It just got worse worse and worse .
Me: I think I'm going to lay here like forever ... This pain is not going anywhere ..
Harry: No problem, I can sit here ..
He kissed my forehead and started to stroke my hair . That pain . My words can't describe it .
Harry: Can you stand up ?
Me: No I can't ..
Harry: Lets try .
Harry got up and pulled me up too .
Harry: It wasn't that bad .
Me: Eh yeah but ...
Then that pain just . Exploded . Okay that's not a really good word for that, but I just couldn't hide it.
Me: aaaaaaaah fuck fuck fuck aahfnjtgenif holy mother of god .
I almost fell down back to the floor but Harry caught me.
Harry: Woa woa woa woa, this is going crazy .
Me: Harry do something ..
Harry: Like what ? If I say '' I'll call an ambulance '', you'll just be like NO .
Me: ...
Harry hugged me .
Harry: Now, just breathe . Slowly .
So I breathed . Slowly . Harry hugged for 5 minutes, I think.
Harry: So..? Are you okay now ?
Me: Yea..
Harry: Your stomach doesn't hurt anymore ?
Me: I'm okay .
Harry looked me straight to eyes.
Harry: I hope that this isn't anything dangerous .. I don't wanna lose you .
Hmh. And at the same moment. I remembered. Harry doesn't know. About my anorexia. Maybe I should tell to him. And destroy our honeymoon AND our marriage. Okay.. It wont ruin our marriage but.. If I know Harry at all, he's gonna get mad or then he'll hug me and say that it's gonna be alright. But the thing is, it's not going to be alright. Dude, I'm dying. Seriously. I don't think that there's so many anorexic, that are still alive .. I mean that they had survived from this shit. I have to tell to Harry, before it's too late. But I don't find any words. What I should say? ''Hi Harry, I just wanted to say that I have anorexia, and I'm dying'', something like that? Erm, no? But... I just can't... No. I have to. '' I don't wanna lose you ''. I don't want to hear that anymore. But if I tell to Harry, he'll take me to the hospital and then he'll be like '' I don't wanna lose you '' and then probably I'll die. Okay that's not my plan. But because I'm so lucky, that's going to happen. Or not.
Me: Hmh.
Harry got a text message . He took his phone out of his pocket.
Me: Who is it ?
Harry: Louis ...
Me: Hm ?
Harry: Char is sick ..
Me: What ?
Harry: She has just cold, nothing serious.
Me: Oh god, we have to go back in the UK .
Harry: Ehmm.. We can't ?
Me: Why ?
Harry: There's no flights to the UK today ?
Me: But Harryyy, she's our daughter ...
Harry: Yes, I know. But I'm not going to swim..
Me: What about tomorrow ? Is there flights to the UK tomorrow ?
Harry: I think yes...
Me: Okay, well I haven't even unpacked my suitcase so we can leave early .
Harry: Eh okay ..
Me: What ?
Harry: Nothing .. I just wanted to spend a couple weeks with you .. Just me and you . But I think that's not never going to be possible ..
Woa. Those words .. They really hurt.. I wanted to be with Harry too. But... Okay.
He looked at me for a while. Then he went to pack his suitcase. I went to sit to the bed. Damn. It was Wednesday. Maybe we could be here just for a couple days. Char is not going to die or something like that. But I'm her mother, so I have to go check that she's alright. Maybe we could leave like on Sunday? Hm .
I went to hug Harry.
Harry: What ?
Lol he didn't even hug me back .
Me: Harry don't pack your clothes.
Harry: Why ? You just told me that we're going to go back to the UK tomorrow.
Me: No.
Harry: Huh ?
Me: She'll be okay. Lets leave on Sunday?
Harry: Really?
Me: Yea .
Harry looked at me.
Harry: Hm.
Me: Are you mad?
Harry: Noo I'm not..
Me: Then why do you look me like that ?
Harry: Like what ?
Me: Like that.
Harry: Okay .. But what are we going to do today?
Me: Lets watch a movie heh
Harry: Yea sureeee.
two hours later
Sooo we were watching a movie . We were laying on the sofa . Harry's arms were around me. It was raining outside. Wohoo. So that movie ..... Asdfg. It was a movie about a girl, who had a cancer, she died. And the worst thing was, that his boyfriend didn't know anything about it. And when I saw that she died, I just thought. I have to tell to Harry. I can't hide this anymore.
Me: Harry ..
Harry: Whaaat?
Me: I have to tell you something ..
Harry: Well tell me then .
ASFfdgh . Should I just say, Harry I'm dying. But however. I knew how Harry reacted. I knew it .
Me: I'm ... I'm dying.
Harry: Haha, you know that's not so good joke .
Me: No .. It's not a joke..
Harry: Hah, why would you die?
Me: ...I have anorexia .
Harry stopped breathing. I thought that he'll be like NOWAY LOL but no. He believed me.
Harry: Wait... What? If this is a joke, I'm going to kill you.
I got up from the sofa. I looked at Harry.
Me: Look at me. Harry I'm not normal.
Harry looked mad. Really mad.
Harry: You're dying..? Why?
Me: Think. How many anorexic you know, who survived? I mean, my anorexia isn't so bad yet.. But this is going harder and harder everyday ...
Harry got up. He came straight in front of me.
Harry: How long have you known about this ?
Me: Like ... One and a half month..
Harry: ONE AND A HALF MONTH ? And why didn't told me?
Harry was shouting. He never shouts to me.
Me: Well this is you know really hard thing for me... I was afraid ...
Harry: Afraid of what?
Me: You ...
Harry: Me? Why?
Me: Don't shout..
Harry: I do what I want to. Who knows about this?
Me: Only Joey..
Harry: HA ? You trust in Joey, but you don't trust in me? Hey, we're married, right ? Do you remember?
Me: Yes but ...
Harry: And why? Where did this even came?
Me: Well.. After Char came.. I felt myself so fat and...
Harry: BUT YOU'RE NOT !
Me: Harry don't shout ! Do you even know how hard this is for me ? I mean ... I'm not so strong, that I could you know just get over this . And I don't look like I have anorexia, I can hide it, but I can't hide it forever ..
Harry: Oh, you don't know how hard this is for me ?! My wife is dying, and ...
Then he started to cry.
Harry: ... What about Char? What about.. Girl you have everything. You're popular, you have celebrity friends,  you have husband who loves you more than anything and. You have Char. You don't have any reasons to die.
Me: I know... But Harry there's nothing we can do...
Harry: No... You can't die now... I just... I love you. I need you.
Then he looked at me for a second, then he went to the bathroom. And after a couple seconds I heard that Harry was crying. He was _crying_. I have never heard that someone can cry so .. much.